


Remembrance

by ceruleanshark



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 23:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceruleanshark/pseuds/ceruleanshark
Summary: Maedhros reconciles with his past and his feelings for Fingon.





	Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the discord conversation about elves glowing when they feel strong emotions and Maedhros losing his ability to glow after Angband. This fic is for the Silm discord.

“Ah, there you are. I've been meaning to speak with you.” Maedhros looked up from his book as Fingon stepped through the door. His cousin folded his arms. “You shouldn't read in such dim light. It's bad for your eyes.”

Maedhros sighed and glanced at the single candle on his desk, the flame dancing and flickering brightly. Fingon walked towards him with small steps and placed one hand on the back of his armchair.

“What is it you wish to speak about?” Maedhros said softly. Fingon closed his eyes briefly, face illuminated by the candlelight. The ribbons in his braids glimmered. He inhaled deeply before speaking.

“It's been five years to the day, since I came to get you.” His voice was soft. Maedhros stood and placed his hand on Fingon's shoulder. “I am eternally grateful, for that and for what you have done for me since then. I could never be where I am now without you.”

Fingon smiled, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards. His gaze fell upon Maedhros’ prosthetic hand. Guilt flared in his eyes.

“There was no other way.” Maedhros spoke quietly. Fingon bowed his head. “I should have thought of something. I should have figured out a way to save you without...without…” 

Tears of shame pricked at Fingon's eyes. Maedhros cautiously pulled him into an embrace, resting his chin on top of Fingon's dark hair. “If not for you, I would still be at the mercy of the Enemy. If freedom meant losing my hand, so be it. Besides, I have adapted. I can fight even better with my left hand than my right.”

Fingon relaxed somewhat in Maedhros’ arms. “Thank you. I'm sorry for making this about me, I didn't mean to.” Maedhros shook his head. “Finno, it's okay. It affected us all.” 

“Thank you, Mae. I came here originally to say something else, however.” Maedhros’ smile was slightly crooked, but his eyes were warm. “Go on.” 

“Do you remember how we were before?” His words were muffled somewhat by Maedhros’ shoulder, but the redhead heard them clearly. Thinking about his life before Angband had been too painful until recently, but he was slowly recovering. Slowly regaining his past.

Maedhros took a deep breath. “Yes. I remember waking up beside you in the mornings, and I remember helping take out your braids each night. I remember swimming together in the lake, and camping in the hills, and making presents for each other's begetting days. I remember lying together under the stars, and how you felt curled up beside me, and the way you'd cling to my shoulders as I kissed you.”

He stopped speaking abruptly, probing that deeply into his past still felt surreal. But Fingon's arms around him helped him seize and hold tight to the knowledge that the redheaded Noldo with a bright smile and a spring in his step was indeed him. He was different now, but the elf who had fallen in love with Findekano was still him.

“Maedhros, how would you feel if I told you that I want that back? I want to wake up together, and stargaze, and go hunting, and do everything we used to do all that time ago. I want to be yours again, and I want you to be mine.” Fingon looked into his eyes, cheeks flushed and fingers holding tight to Maedhros’ robes.

“I don't know if I can be the person I was then, Finno.” Maedhros spoke slowly. Fingon bit back a gasp at the use of his old nickname. He so rarely heard it anymore, least of all from Maedhros.

“You don't have to. Believe me, I'm not the same either.” Tears started to gather in Fingon's eyes once more. He tentatively touched Maedhros’ face, ignoring the rough texture of the scars.

“All I desire to be with you again. I love you, Maedhros, no matter what comes our way.” Fingon's confession was quiet and shy, just as it had been the first time all those years ago. He closed his eyes, fearing rejection.

“Fingon. No matter what, you have always been there for me, whether in person or in my heart. Too often you were my only solace.” Maedhros’ voice was choked. It was rare for him to speak of his torment, even in vague terms.

Those words carved deep into Fingon's very being. Maedhros had thought of him as he was put to torment in Angband. He didn't know how to sort out his confused emotions over this new fact.

“Despite all that has happened, I am sure of one thing. Sometimes I believe it is all I know.” Maedhros felt as though he was speaking through a mouthful of sand. It was hard to say, but also the most natural thing he'd ever done.

“I love you, Findekano. I have always loved you and I will always love you. This I swear.” His voice was solemn and yet caring. Tears spilled down Fingon's face. He could not reply in words, but then again, he did not need to. His whole body shook as he tentatively reached up and pressed his lips against Maedhros’ for the first time in forty-five years.

Maedhros’ fingers tangled in Fingon's braids as he tugged him closer, kissing him softly. Their mouths fit together perfectly, like they always had. Maedhros was crying too, his shoulders shaking and tears slipping silently down his scarred cheeks. The kiss was undemanding, but it was enough to make Fingon melt into Maedhros’ arms.

Fingon gasped softly as they broke apart. His eyes widened. “Mae, look at yourself.” The redhead obeyed, eyes widening as he took in the soft glow emanating from his body. He saw it reflected in Fingon's eyes and knew he was illuminated in golden-red light. 

“You're glowing. I can't recall when you last shone like this.” Fingon sounded awestruck as his fingers traced Maedhros’ face. “It has been far too long since I felt your lips on mine.” Maedhros smiled warmly, happiness shining in his eyes.

Maedhros kisses Fingon's forehead. “This was your doing. First you freed me in body from Thangorodrim. Now you have freed me in spirit. And for that, I can never thank you enough.”

“There is something you can do.” Fingon smiled at Maedhros. The redhead cocked his head. “What is it, my love?” 

Fingon kissed him again, slightly more passionately this time. “Stay by my side.” Maedhros rested his chin on Fingon's head. At last he had a place to belong, after spending year after year alone. Fingon was always with him, come what may. 

And so Maedhros agreed in a hoarse voice. “Always, Fingon. This I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> My sixth fic in three days! I'm proud of myself tbh. Hope everyone enjoyed!


End file.
